The new year...

The new year begins tomorrow....and I am just taking a few quiet moments to think about how I'd like it to look for our family, and for me personally.  But, that requires me to first remember how this past year was.  In a word, this year was full of CHANGES.  From January 1st to December 31st, our family did the following:

1.  Completed 2 permanent residence visa processes, which included tons of paperwork, money, and traveling to Nairobi by 12 hour bus rides (and back) TWICE.
2.  Sold our house in Uganda, and bought another piece of land with the money.  
3.  Completed a hell-ish adoption process through the Ugandan court, including firing and re-hiring a new lawyer, meeting a never-before-met family, countless papers, money, conversations, court dates, and visits to various government offices.
4.  Experienced a MIRACLE at the US Embassy regarding the final visa to come to the US in the VERY LAST MOMENT.  
5.  Moved our family of 4 to the US....including packing up/selling/giving away things from an apartment and a house, traveling 20+ hours on 2 flights, with 2 tweens, while pregnant, with 9 bags, multiple bag checks, and a 4 hour drive...then waiting 3 weeks for Grace to come.  
6.  Had a baby, which included feeling sick nearly every single day of pregnancy, high blood pressure concerns, 19 hours of labor, back labor, waiting 3 hours for an epidural, and culminating in a C-section.
7.  Experienced 2 heartbreaking deaths in our family, including Grace flying back to Uganda 2 weeks after Hannah was born.  
8.  Got 3 family members into US schools, which included immunizations, paperwork, drivers licenses, social security cards, language testing, meetings, financial aid, and class registrations. 
9.  Got a job (Grace) or changed logistics of jobs (Tara and Grace)...which included Grace getting driver's license (a process, for sure), going on interviews, quitting a job, then accepting another, Tara learning to work from home with a baby, starting sewing classes, registering a new business together, doing a christmas market, and making custom garments for people. 
10.  Managed to meet most of the friends/family who had previously not met my husband and children, which included a family trip to PA with a 6 week old baby and 100 degree weather, and a side trip to NYC!!! 
11.  And, finally, we managed, despite all the changes and stress, to actually still love (and like) eachother at the end of this year.  And, we all still have jobs, are generally happy, now have health insurance, and made good grades in school. 

Truly AMAZING.  When I list it out and see all that we have done, even without the little daily things that we take for granted (learning to shop at the grocery, use an ATM, finding a church, christmas shopping, babysitters, going on dates, attending school and sports activities, birthday parties, navigating paperwork for insurance, paying off debt, etc), I am baffled at how it all happened.  But, i do know that my mantra of "one step at a time" was key.

This year, the word I am hoping for is SETTLING.  I want our family to find routine, enjoy ourselves, pay off our debt, build our savings, nest into our home (wherever that ends up being), continue to do well in school, succeed at our jobs, do some creative projects, spend time with loved ones, be content, and bond as a family.  These things seem nominal, but sound so good to my soul.  We do hope to get Hannah over to Uganda this summer with Grace and I (or at least one of us).  We also will attend a close friend's wedding, and go on vacation with my family.  But, besides that, we will work to create normalcy, reduce stress, and "do our thing".  I will continue my mantra, "one day at a time"....

Born with style...

Today, I made a realization.




Hannah's mohawk.

For the past few months, I knew that Hannah and another member of our family had similar hairdos.  




Lucy, our Jack Russell Terrier

But, it wasn't until last night that I realized, she really must be born with style.  

Anthony Ryan

Anthony Ryan, from the Project Runway Allstars cast is rockin' the same 'do as Hannah and Lucy! 

 I wonder how much he paid to have the same hair cut that my baby comes by naturally.  

Now, let's compare with a side view:

 

Pretty funny, right?!?!

(Don't even ask how long it took me to get these shots of Hannah and Lucy.)

Grace's video

This morning Grace was working on a video for a potential scholarship.  It was funny for us to hear him reciting a 3-minute synopsis of his story in the background of our morning.  We had an extra hour due to the time-change, so I was making muffins, sewing a few scarfs for next week's holiday market, cleaning bottles, packing up Hannah's bag for the day, looking up directions to the soccer park, and buying more time on our calling card for Ugandan calls.  Edith was undoing her braids, watching videos online, and periodically entertaining Hannah.  Tim was doing something outside involving throwing rocks down the hill (that's what it looked like anyway), helping with Hannah, and getting ready for his first soccer league game with his hispanic friends from school.  And, Grace was feeding Hannah, eating muffins, starting laundry, doing school reading, listening to political news, dressing for church, and jumping the van's dead battery.  Actually, we all helped with that last one! 

So, in the midst of all this every-day activity and competing priorities, Grace is trying to find a quiet space to record his voice telling his story.  There is a scholarship opportunity available at his school that requires a 3-minute video to tell his story.  As I listened to him tell the very basics, just scratching the surface of his story, it was a little surreal.  I had this moment of deep respect and appreciation for him and all that he has sacrificed for our family and for pursuing his own dream.  I often get caught up in the sacrifices that I have made...what I have given up.  But, the reality is that we both have given up alot, and are gaining so much in the process.

Grace has gone from being an important person in Jinja, Uganda, to a man starting over again.  He gave up an important reputation, being a visionary, and having leadership over a large secondary school as well as many other community projects.  He is now starting in beginning level classes at a a community college, while working at an entry level job, cleaning up after other people.  in family life, he is learning how to do EVERYTHING....how to navigate the city, use an ATM and credit/debit cards, shop at a huge grocery store, get gas, apply for benefits, etc. etc. etc....I often forget how amazing that is.  He is 42 years old and is at a place that most 20 year olds are, as far as school and job.  BUT, he has the responsibilities of someone his age....a wife and 3 kids to support with his time and money, family in Uganda to care for, assets to keep track of, and the future to plan for.  It is nothing short of amazing that he is currently managing all of this...and we still like eachother...ALOT! 

I guess I just wanted to take a moment and brag on him.  We have so far to go, but are confident in getting there...mainly because we are willing to do what it takes. 

The past 2 years....an overview.

This time 2 years ago I was a single girl in New York City.  I was working on a film.  I was living in my own apartment, with my dog.  I was ordering sushi at night, watching the shows I wanted to watch, meeting a friend out for a drink in our “hood”.  I had the money I needed, could plan trips to Europe and home to Asheville, NC, and was in love with an African man. 

Now, I am a married girl with two 13 year olds and a 6 month old baby.  I am living in the mountains of NC, my hometown, working part-time for a non-profit, teaching 2 sewing classes, and trying to start a small sewing business.  My husband works full-time, goes to school part-time, and is amazing all-the-time.  Our home is just big enough for us, with each teen having his/her own room, the baby sleeping in our closet, and my mom and aunt living downstairs.  I no longer order food in, but must make dinner for 4 each night….often the hardest part of my day.  The TV is on the Disney channel until I freak out and make them change it.  I don’t know who my “friends” are here yet, and meeting them out for a drink in the “hood” is difficult, if not impossible, now.  We don’t have the money we need, but are working to get there.  There are no plans to go to Europe, only hopes of that in the future.   And, I am still in love with my African man. 

It all began in 2007 when I went to dinner with my roommate and 2 girls she knew from church.  I had recently had my world rocked by a family catastrophe, and was trying to find my footing again.  My roommate had always wanted to go to Africa, and was meeting these girls to learn more about their non-profit…and whether she could travel with them the coming summer.  I had no interest in going, but went along to dinner for the fun of it.  Part-way through the night, Michelle turned to me and said that there was a real need for people with sewing skills to teach women in Africa.  What?!  Suddenly my own skills could be useful outside the costume world?  I was intrigued.  My disinterest turned to interest within the following months and that summer I found myself on a 3 week trip to Jinja, Uganda. The main thought in my head at the time was, "I am going because I can. Period.  This is my life and I can do whatever the hell I want.  Period."  What a rebel! ha!!!

I am sure I will write more about this trip with time, but for now I will use a cliché and say that this trip was life changing.  I didn’t know it at the time, but I would become permanently attached to this beautiful country.  I literally left with the thought that this trip was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity…fast forward to now and Uganda is a second-home.  

I met my husband on my third trip to Uganda, during the summer of 2009.  He had recently gone through tragedy and was trying to find his new “normal”.  I remember being profoundly impressed by him, as was my friend and colleague, Lori.  We both walked away from that day wanting to know more about him.  Little did I know that I had made an even deeper impression on him.  But, my heart was entangled with another at that time, and so Grace and I simply agreed to be in touch. 

Fast forward through a year heartbreak, then intrigue, and then a mostly long-distance relationship, and Grace and I were engaged.  I was packing up my NY apartment, selling virtually everything on Craigslist, and preparing to move to Uganda and get married.  

We had a beautiful wedding, relaxing honeymoon, and then began life together with our two 11 year olds in a tiny apartment in Jinja.  Thus began the task of cooking daily, being a “wife” and “mom”, and figuring out life as a family.  The first few months were intense emotionally…then we settled into a routine, and the kids went from boarding school to day-school.  We waited as the immigration papers for Grace and Edith processed, and we started figuring out the correct process for our son. 

I found out that  September that I was pregnant, and the clock began ticking.  A relatively relaxed activity suddenly became pressured and intense.  We trusted a lawyer who was not trustworthy, and ended up wasting precious time and money.  Grace and his friend Michael worked tirelessly day after day to get things accomplished, and literally in the last hour, just 1 day before the cut-off for me to fly pregnant, with the help of countless friends and family, I flew out with Tim and Edith to the US. 

Grace followed 3 excruciating weeks later and I had our baby 2 weeks after that.  The next 3 months included getting the beaurocratic parts of life in the US taken care of (drivers licenses, school admittance, social security numbers, cell phones, Medicaid, bank accounts, doctors appointments, etc etc etc…), as well as learning about life with a new baby, dealing with the loss of Grace’s beloved brother, and going on a summer vacation.  Grace found a job in August, and school began for him and Tim and Edith.  Thus began a schedule that I have heard about from other mothers.  

Here we were…living a new life…in a new place.  Now, the dust is settling for everyone and I am left wondering, “Who am I?”  How do I navigate this new place?  Who are my friends?  What makes me important here?  How do I balance my desires with all these new responsibilities?  How do I avoid becoming bitter or resentful?  How do I live in the “now” and appreciate these moments?  We have accomplished so much in such a short amount of time…we have gotten what we were striving for.  I am so thankful…but, I am at a loss as to what happens now. 

I hope this blog will help me during this process….as I process through the past few years, observe the present, and dream about our future. With time, I hope to fill in the numerous details about our story.  But, I really want this place to be a place to express myself….as an artist and a thinking person.  This will be a place outside of everyone else who I am responsible for…at risk of being cliché or cheesy again…this will be a place where I can “be me” and figure out who that is these days. 

To begin...

It has not even been two years yet.  I have been married now for 1 year, 10 months, and 19 days.  But, when I stop amidst the chaos to think about all that has happened during this time, it feels like it should have been a lifetime.  Grace and I should be in our 70s now and relaxing on a porch, drinking coffee and looking at Lake Victoria.  That is the dream in my head…the house we have yet to build…on the land we have bought, but is waiting for us to return…the trees that have been planted as place-fillers…to keep others from trespassing.  They claim the land as “ours”…even more than the title we obtained and paid for.

 

Our story is unusual.  Our family is unusual.  But, our day-to-day now looks a lot like other families.  We get up and go to school or work.  We do extra-curricular activities.  I work here and there all day on various responsibilities….1 hour for my part-time job…stop to change and feed Hannah...phone meeting about work, then 20 minutes of email….Hannah’s up from a nap needing attention….she goes down and I work more….she’s up, so I get everything together and we try to run a few errands before the soccer game….we show up at the game, cheer and support, listen to Edith’s stories of her day and her needs for tomorrow…go home and struggle to make dinner…get Hannah fed…Grace comes home…we eat…bath for baby…clean kitchen, pump milk, watch TV, sew a little, prepare for my classes, talk about important tasks, then to bed….do it again.  

Only 6 months ago, we were living in Jinja and life was at a different pace.  I still had Hannah inside, and spent a majority of my day in bed.  Between power outages, “morning” sickness, and the stress of preparing to move internationally, it was all I could do to stay out of bed for 12 hours a day.  Part of me misses those days...having an excuse to take a nap...to shut it all out and rest.  These days do not allow for that respite. 

There is time to touch on all that brought us here, but for now, I will simply say, we are here.  We are doing well.  We are finding our feet.  We are settling.  And, we are going towards our dreams.

Testing....

This is a test post to see how the format looks.  thanks