This time 2 years ago I was a single girl in New York
City. I was working on a film. I was living in my own apartment, with my
dog. I was ordering sushi at night,
watching the shows I wanted to watch, meeting a friend out for a drink in our “hood”. I had the money I needed, could plan trips to
Europe and home to Asheville, NC, and was in love with an African man.
Now, I am a married girl with two 13 year olds and a 6 month
old baby. I am living in the mountains
of NC, my hometown, working part-time for a non-profit, teaching 2 sewing
classes, and trying to start a small sewing business. My husband works full-time, goes to school
part-time, and is amazing all-the-time.
Our home is just big enough for us, with each teen having his/her own
room, the baby sleeping in our closet, and my mom and aunt living
downstairs. I no longer order food in,
but must make dinner for 4 each night….often the hardest part of my day. The TV is on the Disney channel until I freak
out and make them change it. I don’t
know who my “friends” are here yet, and meeting them out for a drink in the “hood”
is difficult, if not impossible, now. We
don’t have the money we need, but are working to get there. There are no plans to go to Europe, only
hopes of that in the future. And, I am
still in love with my African man.
It all began in 2007 when I went to dinner with my roommate
and 2 girls she knew from church. I had
recently had my world rocked by a family catastrophe, and was trying to find my
footing again. My roommate had always
wanted to go to Africa, and was meeting these girls to learn more about their
non-profit…and whether she could travel with them the coming summer. I had no interest in going, but went along to dinner
for the fun of it. Part-way through the
night, Michelle turned to me and said that there was a real need for people
with sewing skills to teach women in Africa.
What?! Suddenly my own skills
could be useful outside the costume world?
I was intrigued. My disinterest
turned to interest within the following months and that summer I found myself
on a 3 week trip to Jinja, Uganda. The main thought in my head at the time was, "I am going because I can. Period. This is my life and I can do whatever the hell I want. Period." What a rebel! ha!!!
I am sure I will write more about this trip with time, but
for now I will use a cliché and say that this trip was life changing. I didn’t know it at the time, but I would
become permanently attached to this beautiful country. I literally left with the thought that this
trip was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity…fast forward to now and Uganda is a second-home.
I met my husband on my third trip to Uganda, during the
summer of 2009. He had recently gone
through tragedy and was trying to find his new “normal”. I remember being profoundly impressed by him,
as was my friend and colleague, Lori. We
both walked away from that day wanting to know more about him. Little did I know that I had made an even
deeper impression on him. But, my heart
was entangled with another at that time, and so Grace and I simply agreed to be
in touch.
Fast forward through a year heartbreak, then intrigue, and then a mostly long-distance
relationship, and Grace and I were engaged. I was
packing up my NY apartment, selling virtually everything on Craigslist, and
preparing to move to Uganda and get married.
We had a beautiful wedding, relaxing honeymoon, and then
began life together with our two 11 year olds in a tiny apartment in Jinja. Thus began the task of cooking daily, being a
“wife” and “mom”, and figuring out life as a family. The first few months were intense emotionally…then we
settled into a routine, and the kids went from boarding school to
day-school. We waited as the immigration
papers for Grace and Edith processed, and we started figuring out the correct
process for our son.
I found out that
September that I was pregnant, and the clock began ticking. A relatively relaxed activity suddenly became
pressured and intense. We trusted a
lawyer who was not trustworthy, and ended up wasting precious time and
money. Grace and his friend Michael
worked tirelessly day after day to get things accomplished, and literally in
the last hour, just 1 day before the cut-off for me to fly pregnant, with the
help of countless friends and family, I flew out with Tim and Edith to the
US.
Grace followed 3 excruciating weeks later and I had our baby 2
weeks after that. The next 3 months
included getting the beaurocratic parts of life in the US taken care of
(drivers licenses, school admittance, social security numbers, cell phones, Medicaid,
bank accounts, doctors appointments, etc etc etc…), as well as learning about
life with a new baby, dealing with the loss of Grace’s beloved brother, and
going on a summer vacation. Grace found
a job in August, and school began for him and Tim and Edith. Thus began a schedule that I have heard about
from other mothers.
Here we were…living a new life…in a new place. Now, the dust is settling for everyone and I
am left wondering, “Who am I?” How do I
navigate this new place? Who are my
friends? What makes me important here? How do I balance my desires with all these
new responsibilities? How do I avoid
becoming bitter or resentful? How do I
live in the “now” and appreciate these moments?
We have accomplished so much in such a short amount of time…we have
gotten what we were striving for. I am
so thankful…but, I am at a loss as to what happens now.
I hope this blog will help me during this process….as I
process through the past few years, observe the present, and dream about our
future. With time, I hope to fill in the numerous details about our story. But, I really want this place to be a place
to express myself….as an artist and a thinking person. This will be a place outside of everyone else who I am responsible for…at risk of being cliché or cheesy again…this will be
a place where I can “be me” and figure out who that is these days.
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